Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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