McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just gift wrapped bread.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
