I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
