dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
