the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
