i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
