I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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