I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
