glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize