Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
