im six kinds of drunk right now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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