three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
