you guys were way drunker than both of me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
