All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
