her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
