I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
