i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This baby is an asshole
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
