Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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