Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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