I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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