People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
