fuck your aforementioned shoe
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
