..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
