Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
