i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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