So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
