This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize