Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
