the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
