Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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