I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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