this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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