fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someone shit on the floor
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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