Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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