i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
