so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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