I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
