I faked an abortion last night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Barsexuality is the new black.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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