The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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