Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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