the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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