suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
