When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
