Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
