First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're like the curious george of whores
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize