i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
