We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize