Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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