Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
