the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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