Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
