Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize