i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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