I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
