The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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