So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
