I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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