vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize