why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
