I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
