Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
