Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
