It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
