I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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