I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
