just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He is an equal opportunity slut.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
