I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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