it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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