I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
