Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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