need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
