Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
