Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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