I didn't shave. On purpose
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
