so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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