She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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