so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize