Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pants are for mortals
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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