She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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