I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
