I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
