my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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