Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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