If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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