so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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