That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
