I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
