UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
