So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
FUCK WHALES
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
