don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
