ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So much rum. So many feels.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
