You just made me feel so damn special
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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