if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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