I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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