So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize