Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
